But I live in a first floor flat!

Recently, one quiet Saturday afternoon, I received a call from a double glazing salesperson. It’s pertinent to this story that I explain at this point that I live in a flat in Edinburgh in a, typical to the city, four floor tenement building.

Now I know it can’t be easy to ring random folk day in, day out, trying to sell them double glazing so politely I listened to their introduction and sales pitch, which went like this. I’d like to be able to say went ‘something’ like this, but this was it word for word.

Me: “Hello”.

Salesperson:” Good afternoon, I’m calling from (double glazing sales company) and I was wondering if you might be interested in our current offer on patio doors.”

Me: “I live in a first floor flat”.

Salesperson:” It really is a great offer with 25% off our most popular ranges and can be fitted right away.”

Me: “I live in a first floor flat”.

Salesperson: ”If you would be interested I could arrange for one of our advisors to call round and measure up the space and provide you with an estimate. As I said this really is a great deal and will only be available until the end of the month”.

Me: (now increasingly exasperated and wondering why I didn’t just hang up the phone) “I’ve already told you I LIVE IN A FIRST FLOOR FLAT”!

Salesperson: “Well if I can’t interest you in patio doors perhaps you’d be interested in the great deal we’ve got on conservatories at the moment!!!  Our top of the range models are included in the sale and you really wouldn’t find better quality anywhere else………………………………”

I hung up the phone!

I wanted to call back and suggest that in future they listen properly and ensure that their proposals are realistic, address the issues on the other side and are appropriate for the recipient. Also had they invited a response after the first proposal they would have saved us both further wasted time and energy.  Instead I just mused and chuckled to myself at the prospect of them trying to install a conservatory or patio doors onto the bay window of my first floor flat.

Ann Parr, Scotwork UK LLP

A North American colleague has pointed out that in North America, there is no such floor as the ground floor that we have here in the UK (& NZ).  Ann’s story therefore will be lost on them!  Just to clarify, the first floor here in the UK is the equivalent of North America’s second floor.  Hopefully that clears things up and that now you get it!

Robin Copland

Alistair Black has written to me with a similar story to Ann Parr’s.

A friend of mine called Stevie became so fed up explaining to a double glazing company that patio doors would not suit a 3rd floor flat that he invited one of their staff round to measure up!

The man from the company arrives, red in the face and breathing like a dirty phone call. Stevie shows him through to the kitchen and says he’d like them on the wall beside the kitchen sink. The man walks over, looks out the window and promptly accuses Stevie of wasting the company’s time. Stevie explains that he has tried to tell the company that they were wasting their time every time they phoned him, so every time he gets a call in the future he’s going to ask someone to come round to measure up and quote.

Mind you, he never got another phone call about patio doors!